My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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