I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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