I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
