my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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