nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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