i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
