that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
