You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
