Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
