Duck Duck Cougar?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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