We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
