Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
