He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize