shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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