I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
send nudes
from the living room?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
