I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
