i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
