Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
