He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
