I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So much Jack, so little girl.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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