i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
