I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
