I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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