apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
