I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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