Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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