she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
