no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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