That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
How's work?
Spinning.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
