just come out here and I will go home with you...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
