i was born a porn star she said
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize