mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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