I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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