This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
