Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
