the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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