i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
