My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
