I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
