it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We need to get me chipped asap
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
