piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize