you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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