i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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