Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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