we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
