somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
