So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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