2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize