the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
