I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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