when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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