It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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