Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
