I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
