I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I want her autograph on my taint
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
