just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
