Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
