the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
