i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize