OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
