i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Someone shattered a urinal.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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