It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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