fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize