im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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