And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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