I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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