at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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