Duck Duck Cougar?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You pole danced in your parka.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
