the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
