She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
