You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
