Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
