I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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