Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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