Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
