So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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