i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
