i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
