My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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