Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
