You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
