I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
honey bunches of taint.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize